Josh Benner

Tag: speech

  • How to give the perfect wedding toast

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    I love weddings. I’ve had the chance to have a wedding (thanks Kari). I’ve officiated several weddings, and been in a few more. I also do public speaking every week.

    Having to write a speech can be scary and a major source of stress for people who are less comfortable in front of an audience.

    Listen to me. You can give a great wedding speech. You have it in you.

    1. Do not make the toast about yourself! 

    Common mistake.

    It’s not about you. People are not at the wedding for you. They’re there for the bride and groom. Make it about them.

    Sure it’s appropriate to say how you know the bride and groom. It can be appropriate to share a story about you and the bride or groom or a story that involves you and the bride and groom.

    But don’t have the toast revolve around you.

    2. Keep it short

    Have you ever seen a commercial that was so poignant it moved you in your soul? You can say something meaningful in a short time.

    The Gettysburg Address was 272 words. That’s a 2-3 minute speech.

    If your wedding toasts goes past four minutes, that’s too long.

    Also to show what can be accomplished in a short period of time:

    3. Humor is optional

    Wedding toasts can be funny. But don’t feel pressure to make it funny.

    Good rule of thumb: are you funny?

    I’m not asking if you proclaim yourself to be funny. Do other people tell you you’re funny and laugh at things you say? If so, sure use humor if you want to. If not, don’t try to make a wedding toast the opportunity to do something you’re already bad at.

    4. Do not say any of the following 

    “I”m not a professional speaker.” No one cares. I’ve seen people who have plenty of public speaking experience give terrible speeches. And I’ve seen people who have very little public speaking experience get up there, speak from the heart, and give awesome speeches. You don’t have to be a pro to speak well.

    Similarly, if you make a mistake, don’t apologize, don’t say “oops,” keep going. People won’t remember it if you keep moving forward with the speech.

    If you’re the best man, and you don’t know the bride very well or if you’re the maid of honor and you don’t know the groom very well, don’t say “I don’t really know (their name)…”

    Don’t mention an ex of the bride or the groom in the speech. That person is from their old life. Your friend is going forward with someone else (who’s better).

    5. Awkward and embarrassing stories about the bride and groom 

    Don’t!

    No one looks back fondly at wedding toasts that were trying to embarrass the bride and groom. People do look back fondly at the ones that support the couple and where it is evident that the toast master has a lot of love for both the bride and groom.

    6. DO NOT make jokes about their love for each other, commitment to each other, references to past relationships, or any suggestion whatsoever that the relationship might not last. 

    I once went to a wedding and the best man said “I wrote a great toast…but I plan to give it at his next wedding.”

    That’s not funny.

    It’s poor form. (Also that person did have a lot of public speaking experience and should have known better).

    It dishonors the bride, the groom, and their marriage. It’s not the time or the place. In fact, it’s the worst time and place to joke about the status of their relationship or the sincerity of their love.

    And while we’re at it:

    7. Do not use the toast as a soap box to complain about marriage 

    Don’t say things that undermine or undervalue the union of marriage.

    Maybe you’re cynical about love or marriage. Maybe you’re divorced. Whatever the case, if you’re not a huge fan of the commitment of marriage, that is not the time or place to share your views.

    8. Public speaking tips 

    Don’t wing it. The week of the wedding, give some thought to your relationship with the bride and groom, practice a few times. If you’re drinking alcohol at the wedding, make sure you’re able to give a clear speech. Speak slowly. Breathe.

    If you follow the rest of what I’ve said, you’re going to be fine. If you give a quick, sincere speech that focuses on the bride and groom, that shows a lot of love, you’re going to give a great speech.

    Questions? Feel free to ask in the comments. 

    Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear what you think, and don’t forget to subscribe! 

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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  • Roseanne, the NFL and hypocrisy

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    Roseanne Barr made an offensive comment about former Obama Administration official Valerie Jarrett. Shortly after, ABC announced they have cancelled the show Roseanne.

    That the show was canceled is not shocking. People don’t like offensive and racially charged comments (nor should we).

    It’s interesting reading Tweets and comments about the cancellation. Many draw a parallel between Barr’s comments and how some will defend her and say the show shouldn’t be canceled. But some of those same people are fine with the NFL banning players kneeling during the National Anthem. This is pointed to as being hypocritical.

    The irony is that the hypocrisy can run on both sides. To think that the players should be able to kneel without consequences yet to think Roseanne should be cancelled is also somewhat hypocritical.

    Because in both instances, it shows us that we cannot always say or do whatever we want without that having ramifications on our professional lives.

    As a society, there are things we don’t like. We don’t like racist comments. We don’t generally like unpatriotic behaviors. People can say whatever they want. People can take whatever political stance they want to make. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t ever consequences.

    Neither ABC nor the NFL owes it to Roseanne Barr or the players to promote ideals that go against what they stand for.

    Some will disagree with that. “It’s not the same. Players are making a reasonable protest and Roseanne make a comment that can’t be defended.” While we should all be able to agree that what Roseanne said was wrong, millions of people find kneeling during the national anthem just as offensive (if not more offensive) than one woman’s comment.

    Roseanne already had a target on her for various other political comments and comments seen as being racially insensitive. It was wrong to make the comment that she made about Jarrett. It’s not shocking that ABC cancelled the show.

    But it is an unfortunate situation. It’s unfortunate that in a politically charged country where division is high, we had a throwback sitcom that people of various views enjoyed from a time when there were not such heightened political sensitivities. The new Roseanne had the goal of a show where a family who was divided politically and who was navigating the 21st century could still come together in love. That’s a message that we don’t often hear in the media. Because of an unnecessary comment, it’s a voice that will now go silent.

    And the political divide widens.

    But I want to take our attention back to the double standards we so often have. If we are ok with either Roseanne being cancelled or with NFL players being forbidden from kneeling, than we must also accept the other can happen too. Because both are examples that freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences of that speech.

    We must all remember the power of our words and actions. The Apostle James said: “The tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” (James 3:5). We’re blessed to live in a nation with the First Amendment. It’s a wonderful thing. But let us not assume that words are free of consequences, or that they don’t matter greatly. 

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

  • Robert Kennedy’s speech the night of Martin Luther King’s assassination

    On this night, 50 years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee.

    That evening, while campaigning for president, Robert F. Kennedy was scheduled to give a speech in Indianapolis. He was warned by law enforcement to cancel the event due to fear of riots.

    Kennedy wrote a few notes down. When he got up to speak, he informed the crowd of what happened. You can hear the shock in the crowd when he informed them of King’s death.

    It’s an amazingly eloquent and optimistic speech. Kennedy shows tremendous leadership as he offers words of comfort.

    Tragically, 63 days later, Robert F. Kennedy would meet the same fate by an assassin’s bullet.

    What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.

    We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times. We’ve had difficult times in the past. And we will-we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; and it’s not the end of disorder.

    -Robert F. Kennedy

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.