The one love language

I’m a huge fan of Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. Dr. Chapman is a pastor and marriage counselor, and his love languages is a theory that everyone primarily receives love in one of five ways.

The love languages are:
Quality time
Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Acts of service

All of the love languages boil down to time. Acts of services takes time to serve someone. Gifts requires time to notice the types of gifts that will be appropriately thoughtful, and they take time to acquire and to earn the money to pay for. Physical touch takes presence, which takes time. For words of affirmation to have meaning and sincerity, that requires really knowing someone which takes time. Quality time is not merely being around each other but also meaningful and significant time together.

The love languages are just different ways to utilize tie to invest and build up a relationship. I think it’s important for a person to know their own love language, and also to know the love languages of their spouse and children because there is value in showing love to a person in the way that a person best receives love.

Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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