The first rule of online dating

unsplash-kitsune-3.jpgThis is part of a new series I’m doing in discussing dating, relationships, and marriage from a Christian perspective. 

Never fall in love with someone you’ve never met.

With online dating, it can be easy to quickly get into some very deep conversations with a new person. Maybe you have a few phone calls and the conversation just flows. And. it. is. awesome.

You get that excited tingling feeling “could this be the one?”

But you’re like four days in, and it’s a person who’s still basically a stranger. There’s still a lot to learn. Interacting well with someone who you don’t know can actually be pretty easy to do. There’s a lot to talk about in the beginning because you don’t know anything about each other! But will the conversation still flow after you figure out all of the basics?

It might be really easy to talk to someone on the phone. They might be a world class texter. But will you interact well in person? How will they deal with conflict? Are they really who they say they are?

At the beginning of an online relationship, there can be danger in getting too attached before there’s any real commitment.

You can like talking to a person and like what they value. That’s a great thing when it happens. All I’m saying is don’t immediately start assuming that you’re going to marry someone after a few good days.

It’s a great rule. And yes, I broke that rule with my wife (who I ironically told my first rule to at the very beginning of talking to). But it also took us a month and a half to meet since we lived in different states. My main point is to warn against getting into  habit with online dating where you’re regularly getting too attached too soon to people you know too little.

Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear what you think, and don’t forget to subscribe! 

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Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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Categories: Commentary, Culture

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2 replies

  1. The next rule about online dating is “Don’t allow it to make you fear missing out.” When you’re matched with six to ten people a day, you might be tempted to keep waiting for the perfect match when there are great people talking to you already.

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