As I write this, I think back to this moment two years ago. I was rushing around the church awaiting my wedding. It was surreal.
Marriage truly is a gift from God. It is a relationship unlike any other that you have in life. Marriage is sanctifying. It has a way of magnifying your imperfections: your areas of selfishness, your temperament, your approach to conflict, your bad habits. But in that, we see the beauty of marriage because it’s an opportunity to grow in all of those areas.
When done right, there’s nothing in the world that’s better than a great marriage: two people who love each other, who support and serve each other, and who bring out the best in each other. (more…)
I talked to my wife for the first time two years ago today.
As I reflect this year, the thing that still amazes me is that I woke up that Monday morning, and it was just a typical day. Took care of some stuff for work, went to the gym, helped some friends move. I had no idea that it was one of the most important days of my life. (more…)
I love weddings. I’ve had the chance to have a wedding (thanks Kari). I’ve officiated several weddings, and been in a few more. I also do public speaking every week.
Having to write a speech can be scary and a major source of stress for people who are less comfortable in front of an audience.
Listen to me. You can give a great wedding speech. You have it in you.
1. Do not make the toast about yourself!
Common mistake.
It’s not about you. People are not at the wedding for you. They’re there for the bride and groom. Make it about them.
Sure it’s appropriate to say how you know the bride and groom. It can be appropriate to share a story about you and the bride or groom or a story that involves you and the bride and groom.
But don’t have the toast revolve around you.
2. Keep it short
Have you ever seen a commercial that was so poignant it moved you in your soul? You can say something meaningful in a short time.
The Gettysburg Address was 272 words. That’s a 2-3 minute speech.
If your wedding toasts goes past four minutes, that’s too long.
Also to show what can be accomplished in a short period of time:
3. Humor is optional
Wedding toasts can be funny. But don’t feel pressure to make it funny.
Good rule of thumb: are you funny?
I’m not asking if you proclaim yourself to be funny. Do other people tell you you’re funny and laugh at things you say? If so, sure use humor if you want to. If not, don’t try to make a wedding toast the opportunity to do something you’re already bad at.
4. Do not say any of the following
“I”m not a professional speaker.” No one cares. I’ve seen people who have plenty of public speaking experience give terrible speeches. And I’ve seen people who have very little public speaking experience get up there, speak from the heart, and give awesome speeches. You don’t have to be a pro to speak well.
Similarly, if you make a mistake, don’t apologize, don’t say “oops,” keep going. People won’t remember it if you keep moving forward with the speech.
If you’re the best man, and you don’t know the bride very well or if you’re the maid of honor and you don’t know the groom very well, don’t say “I don’t really know (their name)…”
Don’t mention an ex of the bride or the groom in the speech. That person is from their old life. Your friend is going forward with someone else (who’s better).
5. Awkward and embarrassing stories about the bride and groom
Don’t!
No one looks back fondly at wedding toasts that were trying to embarrass the bride and groom. People do look back fondly at the ones that support the couple and where it is evident that the toast master has a lot of love for both the bride and groom.
6. DO NOT make jokes about their love for each other, commitment to each other, references to past relationships, or any suggestion whatsoever that the relationship might not last.
I once went to a wedding and the best man said “I wrote a great toast…but I plan to give it at his next wedding.”
That’s not funny.
It’s poor form. (Also that person did have a lot of public speaking experience and should have known better).
It dishonors the bride, the groom, and their marriage. It’s not the time or the place. In fact, it’s the worst time and place to joke about the status of their relationship or the sincerity of their love.
And while we’re at it:
7. Do not use the toast as a soap box to complain about marriage
Don’t say things that undermine or undervalue the union of marriage.
Maybe you’re cynical about love or marriage. Maybe you’re divorced. Whatever the case, if you’re not a huge fan of the commitment of marriage, that is not the time or place to share your views.
8. Public speaking tips
Don’t wing it. The week of the wedding, give some thought to your relationship with the bride and groom, practice a few times. If you’re drinking alcohol at the wedding, make sure you’re able to give a clear speech. Speak slowly. Breathe.
If you follow the rest of what I’ve said, you’re going to be fine. If you give a quick, sincere speech that focuses on the bride and groom, that shows a lot of love, you’re going to give a great speech.
Questions? Feel free to ask in the comments.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear what you think, and don’t forget to subscribe!
Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.
As I think about how we met, there’s always been a certain amount of fatalism in our story. We met on eHarmony. I was living in Minnesota, she was in Atlanta. The first time we ever talked was February 20, 2017. It was a Monday night, I thought she was cute and seemed nice. Never in a million years dreamed that I was messaging my future wife.
A couple weeks earlier, she had gotten out of a relationship. Had that not happened when it happened, we might not have ever met. Because she was looking to move further into Atlanta to be closer.
In the same few days the relationship ended, her dad accepted a job in the St. Louis area and was going to move from the south to the midwest.
The rest of Kari’s family was living in Alabama at the time. Kari was teaching in suburban Atlanta, but she wasn’t from Atlanta and didn’t have anything keeping her there. So with her parents getting ready to move, they asked Kari if she wanted to go to St. Louis, live at home, save some money.
She said yes and when she joined eHarmony, planning to move to St. Louis, she listed that as her city.
For me, in western Minnesota (not exactly the world’s most populous area,) I had widened my eHarmony search parameters to include Wisconsin, Iowa, Missouri. But not Georgia.
So had that relationship not ended at the same time that her parents had decided to move, we wouldn’t have met. Had her parents not decided to move, she likely wouldn’t have moved to a different part of the country, away from family by herself. Had her parents not moved to an area that was within my search parameters, we would not have met.
All of the things in our lives matter. They ripple out. They’re connected to each other. Ripples from one event impact other things happening in our lives which impact those around us, our families, our futures. Every day matters, every choice matters.
When I was single, more than anything, I wanted to be married. There were setbacks along the way. Times of frustration. But I never doubted that it would happen. But a funny thing about marriage is that once you get married to someone, it’s almost like you forget life before ever being married to that person.
Happy anniversary Kari! I love you babe.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear what you think, and don’t forget to subscribe!
Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.
I hope your wedding day is the day when you love each other the least.
I hope the love is there.
But I hope a week, a month, a year, 10 years, 50 years later, that you love each other more than you did on your wedding day. I hope it’s a deeper, richer, fuller love.
Marriage and life together is a good picture of sanctification.
When you come to faith, you are saved. For the rest of your life, and eternity, the blood of Jesus washes away your sins. But the work isn’t done. It’s a lifelong process of growing and maturing in the faith which you believe.
How long does it take to be a Christian? A moment. And a lifetime. (more…)
