Josh Benner

Category: Commentary

  • Forgiveness in the shadow of death

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    In the summer of 2016, Jamison Pals drove through Nebraska with his wife Kathryne, and their three young children: Ezra, 3; Violet, almost 2; and Calvin, 2 months old. As traffic slowed down for construction, a semi truck, driven by a 53 year old driver named Tony Weekly slammed into the back of the Pals family. Their car burst into flames. All five died (a sixth person in another car also died from injuries related to this accident).

    The family had been driving from Minnesota to Colorado to train as missionaries, with plans of being sent to Japan.

    Last week, the driver was sentenced. Advocating for him was an unlikely source: the victim’s own families. “We ask the court to give the maximum allowable grace,” Kathryne Pal’s father Gordy Engel said before the court.

    Tony Evans was sentenced to six months in jail for his crime.

    The grace and forgiveness of the families I find inspirational. It’d be easy to hate this man. It’d be easy to never want to forgive him.

    But the families have publicly forgiven him. They’ve embraced and hugged him, they’ve prayed for him, and shown him love.

    That’s the power of the gospel. It’s a love that doesn’t even make sense. This man’s actions took away six lives and a beautiful young family. And yet, their relatives can forgive.

    Rick Pals (the father of Jamison Pals) said in court: “I can honestly say Tony, both families have forgiven you…I know how much God has forgiven me. How could I not forgive you?”

    For Christians, forgiveness is never given as an option. We are always called to forgive others. In the face of tragedy, these two families have shown something profound, something beautiful.

    41 “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.”

    Luke 7:41-43

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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  • Why Christians might want to mingle somewhere besides Christian Mingle

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    This is part of a new series I’m doing in discussing dating, relationships, and marriage from a Christian perspective. 

    I’m a pastor and I met my wife online. Pretty much 100% of people who know those two things ask, “So did you meet her on Christian Mingle?”

    I did not (eHarmony, thanks Dr. Warren).

    Now, undoubtedly some people have success and meet their spouses on Christian Mingle. And for those people, hey, that’s great. My point isn’t to say that site can’t work. But I tried it, and eHarmony, and several other sites. And as a review of Christian Mingle, here are a couple observations.

    Not as many fish in that sea 

    The pool is smaller than a lot of the other popular sites. If you live in a large metropolitan area, that might not be such a big deal. But when I moved from suburban Chicago to rural Minnesota, I noticed that the eligible bachelorettes on that site largely fell off. Even in a larger area, there are still fewer options than what you would find on other popular sites.

    Equally yoked 

    Not everyone on Christian Mingle is all that Christian. This isn’t so much meant as a criticism of that site, but something for users to consider. Christian Mingle obviously can’t vet everyone. But if you use that site and you’re a Christian who’s trying to find a relationship, don’t fall into the trap of thinking the person messaging you is equally yoked with you. It takes good questions and careful discernment (just like it would on any other site).

    Final word

    Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that Christian Mingle is inherently more holy. Just because the word “Christian” is in the name of this site, it might give the false sense of security that someone has a better chance of finding a strong believer on Christian Mingle over other dating sites. Not necessarily. It’s not like the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association made the website and Tim Keller and John Piper are on their board of directors.

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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  • Would it be better if parents raised their kids without religion?

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    A friend recently asked me this question. As a Christian, there are several reasons why I believe the answer is no.

    This reminded me of an article I read a couple years ago by former NFL running back Arian Foster. In an article he wrote for Yahoo, Foster was talking about his parenting philosophy. When it came to faith, he said:

    The flying spaghetti monster. There are billions of people on Earth with hundreds of religions and sects that trickle off each other. I will never tell her what to believe in. I know parents are very influential on kids’ spiritual beliefs and that can be a positive or negative thing. I can give her a basic understanding of religions when she starts showing interest and asking questions. But I will remain silent otherwise. How can I make a young mind believe this is the truth for them when they don’t yet have the capacity nor the cognitive desire to delve into something like this? If she shows interest I would advise her to fully investigate a religion and see if it fits her. And if she chooses none of the above, I’ll be fine with that as well. The values I instill in her should guide her to her decision. What’s most important, I believe, is to support her decision no matter what.

    Foster argues that he doesn’t want to push religious beliefs saying “I will never tell her what to believe in” and “I can give her a basic understanding of religions…but I will remain silent otherwise.”

    To raise a child without faith can be framed as “not telling them what to believe in.” However that’s clearly affirming and privileging a secular worldview. It’s raising someone with a default setting of irreligion.

    Foster says that he’s fine if she eventually chooses faith (I don’t doubt his sincerity in that). But he argues that what matters more than raising someone according to a faith tradition is raising them with a certain set of values. That was similar to my friends question. Instead of raising someone according to religion, why not just raise them to be good/benevolent?

    The gospel is predicated on the idea that a person can’t be good on their own. And faith in Jesus Christ is essential to the salvation of a person’s soul. For a Christian, that is part of why a hands off approach to faith does not harmonize with parenting. Any loving, Christian parent should raise their children in the knowledge and fear of the Lord. This isn’t unique to Christianity. It’s true of the major faith systems. There is no faith tradition (that I’m aware of) that says “Hey, raise your kids outside of this faith and see what they believe.”

    I understand why someone who’s not religious would have such a view that undermines the role of faith in a person’s life. Christian faith is meant to be a parent’s source of meaning, morality. It’s meant to shape your life, your family, and your parenting. The idea of not passing that tradition onto one’s kids is fundamentally inconsistent.

    Furthermore, the Bible constantly commands parents to raise their children to know the Lord. In the Old Testament, the Israelites failed to do this which was the source of a lot of their struggles.

    The Book of Deuteronomy commands:

    6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

    -Deuteronomy 6:6-7

    For Christian parents, it’s not meant to be an option. Ultimately no one can control what someone believes. But a kid needs to be given every chance to hear the gospel. It is faith in the gospel by which souls are saved. Also the flavor of the month in our society today is about letting kids dictate everything (faith, gender, etc). But they have to be raised with a foundation.

    There’s also covenantal theology but I’ll save that for another post.

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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  • Why Jesus? Couldn’t there be another way?

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    Originally published August 22, 2017

    “Atonement” is a theological word that gets mentioned. In short, atonement refers to the work that Christ has done for those who have faith in Him to earn their salvation.

    I think people sometimes approach the gospel with skepticism. Jesus died for the sins of all who believe in him.

    I know I used to ask was “why do we need this? Why do we have to believe in Jesus? Is sin such a big deal? Why is he the only way?” (more…)

  • Parents allowing children to decide their gender: why?

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    A recent article from NBC talks about a Massachusetts family who are raising their twin boys without a gender. The idea behind this parenting philosophy is to allow the twins to decide for themselves when they’re older.

    In the story, the mother made the fair point about how we do have ways how we stereotype little boys and little girls that aren’t always helpful. Many raise girls to be prissy and “girlie,” while boys are raised to be tough and to not cry. These aren’t necessary aspects of masculinity and femininity, on that point, I agree. However to combat those stereotypes, we don’t need to raise children without gender. There are other, healthier approaches.

    It’s absolutely unnecessary for a person to take an otherwise normal, healthy baby and to then introduce confusion into their child’s life. Is letting a person “decide” their gender so important?

    I hear people talk about how complicated gender is.

    For the vast majority of people, it’s pretty simple. And so I return to my question, why introduce confusion? Why introduce additional complexity?

    I know to some this seems progressive and enlightened.

    It’s unwise.

    I saw a video a few years ago of a British woman who was doing this with her son. It’s heartbreaking.

    If your approach to parenting is doing something that society has historically not done and which contradicts the wisdom of human experience: it’s wrong. Raising a child is not the time to try new experiments.

    The idea that you can raise a kid without gender and then let them decide their gender is self-defeating.

    The idea that you can take a baby boy or girl and raise this child neutral of gender, and later let them decide their gender, it’ll be in the context of them having been raised as unaware to their gender. When they decide which gender they want to be, it’ll be from a context of not having been raised according to a particular gender. It’s not like you’ll decide you want to be a boy and instantly know how to do it. You weren’t shown! You weren’t taught! You were intentionally kept in the dark.

    Part of the justification that I’ve seen is that this helps a child to embrace their identity. I would argue that it actually raises a child ignorant of an important aspect of their identity. This style of parenting takes away the foundation of manhood and womanhood.

    And for what purpose?

    According to a 2016 study by the Williams Institute, transgendered people make up just over one half of one percent of the American population. And the transgender life is not an easy one. Tragically, the rate of attempted suicides within that community is 40% according to The Report of the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey.

    With the Massachusetts family, the mother is an engineer and talks of the gender stereotypes in her field, how it is often male-dominated. That’s probably true. But how does it help that to raise boys as if they’re not?

    Gender comes from God. It’s fundamental to his creation of humanity. God made men and women and we are both created in his image. We should celebrate masculinity and femininity. Men and women compliment each other.

    Josh Benner is the associate pastor at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church in Fergus Falls, Minnesota and has a Master of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He enjoys writing about faith and culture. He lives with his wife Kari in Minnesota.

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